Got some new RAM and a new motherboard and video card for my desktop.

SO that means I'm finally back to drawing and able to use my Intuos 4 tablet I bought forever ago.
It's so nice!

Hopefully I can dish out some new drawings and update my style! And I have my writing cache back, so I can work on my novel again, yaaaay~

About a month ago, the graphics card on my desktop died. It's an old machine built in 2004 with a really cheap motherboard that only supports AMD graphics cards. I could buy a new one for a decent price to get it back on it's feet, but I feel it's time to build a completely new machine. All of my artwork, writing material and such is on that HD though, so you won't be seeing anything new from me for a few months or longer.

Not that anyone really cares though. Despite my (rather ridiculously) high page view count(18k+ is high to me, over 5 years), friends and watchers, I post very infrequently. I'd love to be able to work on my art and writing more regularly, but I have a full time job now and am away from home 60+ hours a week and just want to relax when I am home.

So uhh... yeah. I do look forward to at least having a computer capable of handling my new Wacom Intuos 4 Tablet that I've yet to try out. Because the ideas and concepts don't go any further on paper. D:

So, I've considered myself a "Varied Artist" for I don't know how long and it shows, I submit poems, small stories, 3D models, 2d illustrations, mock blueprints and layouts, animations, photos, etc. I'm starting to wonder if this is good or bad, because it's the same as the saying "A Jack of all trades is a master of none." I don't want to be a jack of all trades, even though I enjoy doing everything I do, I feel as if I will never reach the level of talent I hope for myself if I continue to split my talent in so many directions. So I'm beginning to wonder if I should focus on one or few things...

This comes mainly after about a month of revising the novel I had written nearly 6 years ago that I did absolutely nothing with aside from a few drawings and animations. I've created some unique characters because of it but in the grand sacale of things, that is meaningless when they have no place or purpose, so I think it's time I decide what kind of artist I am.



So, what am I? D:

Wanting to share poetry but are too afraid to post on dA?
Join [link] it's a site dedicated to poetry and other forms of literature and visual art.
It's not as strict and is mostly for fun, also; it's operated/managed by my niece!

Give it a go, they're all nice people and sociable, so it's pretty win-win.



Also, Minor update on my status: Living with my girlfriend now. 99.999999999999999% chance I'll be moving in with her and her mother up here in the Oregon mountains. My art production will cease for a little while, at least until I get my desktop up here and can properly use a tablet again. Until then, y'all are stuck with literature.

Yeah so I feel like filling out something ridiculously long. Feel free to comment or expand on any of my answers.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. Name:
Jacob Edward Ketchum. Most just call me Jake.

2. Siblings:
I have 3 Half-brothers, 1 Half-sister and 2 step-brothers.

3. Eye color:
Blue.

4. Shoe Size:
14.

5. Height?
6'7".

6. What are you wearing right now?
White T-shirt and forest camo cargo pants.

7. Where do you live?
Central California.

8. Right or left handed?
Right.

9. Best place to go for a date?
Hmm~ I've only been on one date so far, and I enjoyed it so I'd have to say... Walking along, or sitting on the bank of a river. x3~
Other than that, I'd like to go on a date at the beach~ And well, she knows where I like. :3



Favorite:

10. Number?
17.

11. Boys Name?
No favorite.

12. Girls Name?
No favorite.

13. Drink?
Mt. Dew.

14. Month?
October

15. Juice?
Pineapple.

16. Breakfast?
Eggs,h sunny side up with some buttered toast, crunchy has browns and crispy bacon.



Have you ever:

17. Smoked?
I tried once when I was little, we all do, don't we? Never liked it and ever since I've made every attempt to throw away my parent's cigarettes. If they want to pay for their own slow death, they're welcome to it, but I won't let them affect my health.

18. Bungee jumped?
Nope.

19. Made yourself throw-up?
Plenty of times. Most of the time it's because I have something stuck in my throat, but one time I did it to fake being sick. Ironically, I threw up on my own half an hour after that.

20. Gone skinny dipping?
No, don't really plan to either.

21. Loved someone so much it made you cry?
If you truly love someone, tears will come whether they are happy or sad. I've cried many times for the people I love.

22. Played Truth or Dare?
Not that I can remember.

23. Been in a police car?
Yep. My brother and I decided it'd be a good idea to blow up fireworks in a public park. We weren't arrested, just got a ride home and a lecture.

24. Been on a plane?
Plenty of times. No better way to travel to Japan, after all!

25. Came close to dying?
On more than one occasion.
I once had a fever of 109 when I was little. I should have died then, but I got lucky.
My brother, in his innate wisdom, decided to drive himself and I to the movies late at night in a car with faulty brakes and foot pedals. The throttle got stuck and we nearly collided with a row of parked cars at 90 miles per hour.

26. Been in a sauna?
Yep.

27. Been in a hot tub?
Yep.

28. Swam in the ocean?
Countless times.

29. Fallen asleep in school?
I'm sure I have.

30. Broken someone's heart?
I can't say I haven't, but neither can I say I meant to... I mean... does a girl tell you that she tried to commit suicide after 2 years of hiding her feelings for you for another reason?

31. Cried when someone died?
Does your dog count?

32. Cried in school?
Probably.

33. Fell off your chair?
Yep.

34. Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call?
Only once.

35. Saved AIM/MSN conversation?
Yep.

36. Saved e-mails?
Not that I remember.

37. Made out with just a friend?
Nope.

38. Been cheated on?
3 times by the same girl. >.e



What is:

39. Your room like?
Smaller than half the size of a hotel room with no windows and one door. Heavy on unpleasant scents because I keep the door closed to keep flies out since it opens straight to the outside. About 25% of the space is occupied by my bed, half of it by furniture like my 2 computer desks, closet and dresser. The remaining space is just enough for me to walk around between them.

40. Beside you?
Lol, everything?

41. The last thing you ate?
4-cheese raviolis with pesto sauce.

42. The kind of shampoo do you use?
Head and Shoulders 2-in-1 Shampoo+Conditioner, "Ocean Lift" style.



Ever Had...

43. Chicken pox?
When I was little.

44. Sore throat?
At least once every year. Comes with seasonal sicknesses.

45. Stitches?
Nope.

46. A broken nose?
Nope.



Do You...

47. Believe in love at first sight?
No, that would be lust at first sight. I believe it IS possible to fall in love with someone the moment you meet them, but not in the "at first sight" sense of the term.

48. Like picnics?
I do, actually. Supposing the outing is to an enjoyable place.

49. Like school?
College is alright.



Questions:

50. Who was the last person you called?
My employer. Wel.. they would be my employer if they weren't such douchebags and denying me a site to work at for "unknown reasons."
Other than that, my love~ Like, 2 months ago? That's how much I use the phone. xD

51. Who and when was the last person you danced with?
Lol... I think the last time I danced was in middle school. xD Ugh, square dancing, so horrible.

52. Who makes you smile?
:icon marmoiselle: x3

53. Who did you last yell at?
I don't yell very often, so I don't know... probably my dogs.

54. Who broke your heart?
Wouldn't it be obvious to say "an ex"? Lol.

55. Who was the last person to tell you they loved you?
again. x3~

56. Do you wear contact lenses or glasses?
No, but I will probably end up needing one or the other as my eye-sight is somewhat blurry and I use computers a lot, so it will most likely only get worse. I'd try out for some now if I had the money for them, just to see where I stand with my vision. That and I still don't have my license yet, so it'd be smarter to get prescription glasses/contacts before then.

57. Do you like yourself?
Heh... I am okay with how I am at this point in time. They say you can't love others if you can't love yourself, so... I can't say I hate myself, though there are things about me that I am disappointed in and trying to improve on.

58. Do you get along with your family?
I guess. I get along more with my father's side of the family than my mother's side, though.

59. What are you listening to right now?
Audioslave - "Be Yourself"

60. What did you do yesterday?
Slept late. >.<

61. Do you hate anyone in your family?
I used to, but he's learned to be less of a hateful person over the years. Though we're still not quite on equal ground again.

62. Do you want to get married?
Marriage is... something that I don't really feel is necessary. All it is, is an official document stating that two people are joined in union. You don't need to get married for that to happen... As long as two people can love each other and live peacefully together, why does marriage even matter? But... I do sometimes dream about various proposal scenarios, because it's always fun to surprise someone. x3

63. Are you a good driver?
I've never been behind a wheel of an actual car. D:

64. Are you a good singer?
No... no, I don't think so. xD

64. Do you prefer diamonds or pearls?
Neither. I like the less 'precious' stones such as sapphire, emerald, amethyst and opal.

65. Are you the oldest of your siblings?
Nope, I have 2 older half-brothers and my half-sister is also older than I am.

66. Do you prefer to be indoors or outdoors?
Depends on the weather, and even then, it depends on what mood I'm in.



Today did you:

67. Talk to someone you liked?
Every day~ x3

68. Buy something?
Nope. I hardly ever spend money. xD Not that I have any to spend... >____>

69. Get sick?
Nope.

70. Sing?
Yep, I sing along with my music every now and then~

71. Talk to an ex?
Nope, she's currently in the army and I doubt I'll be talking to her again any time soon. >__>

72. Miss someone?
I miss 's hugs~ x3




Last person who...

73. Was in your bed?
Probably my brother, before he moved in with his girlfriend. I'd stay at a friend's place during the weekends so he'd stay in my room while I was gone. That was... mmmm, June and earlier of this year.

74. Saw you cry?
Hard to say. I don't remember the last time I cried around anyone I know.

75. Made you cry?
No idea.

76. Went to the movies with you?
My best friend.

77. You went to the mall with?
I guess? x3

78. Ever been in a fight with your pet?
Every day as I wrestle for control of the kitchen to make breakfast. xD

79. Been to California?
Nope, never. I just live right in the middle of it. xD



More questions!

80. What books are you reading now?
None. Don't really have time to read anything. Okay, that's a lie. Although I'd love to pick up a good book, playing games online takes priority since I'm that lazy. :<

81. Best feeling in the world
The best feeling in the world is the feeling of being embraced by the one I love. x3

82. Future kids' names?
Would have to be discussed with her~

83. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
Nope. I'd feel kind of silly doing that. xD

84. What's under your bed?
Containers of stuff I don't use and a case containing a hunting rifle and ammo.

85. Favorite sport to watch?
Hmm.. .that's a tough one. I don't really enjoy watching sports. I guess... Baseball? =

86. Favorite location?
Anywhere with x3

87. Piercing/Tattoos?
Neither.

88. What are you most scared of right now?
Loneliness.

89. Who do you really hate?
Ignorance.

90. Do you have a job?
No, and it's tough finding one. Dx

91. Have you ever liked someone you didn't have a chance with?
I doubt it, I'm not one to fall in love easily. And there is no 'like' with me. You're either a friend or someone much more important.

92. Are you lonely right now?
Nope~

93. Song that's stuck in your head right now?
[link]

94. Have you ever played strip poker?
No, and I wouldn't be caught dead doing so.

95. Have you ever gotten beat up?
Hmmm... nope.

96. Have you ever been in a mosh-pit?
Yep, during Ozzfest 2007.

97. Ever liked someone but thought they'd never notice you?
Nope~ if I like someone, I tell them. I don't hold my feelings in for fear that they would destroy me.

98. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
I don't go out of my way to do such a thing.

99. Your Favorite Food?
A dish called porcupine meatballs~ Despite the name, the meatballs are made from ground beef, not porcupine. xD

100. Have you ever cried for no reason?
There's always a reason.

101. Are you too shy to ask someone out?
For all the times I've liked someone, I've always confessed such. I admit that I am shy, but I make my feelings known. Asking them out is a bit easier after confirming how they feel, right? xD

102. Hugs or kisses?
Hugs. Definitely hugs!

103. Butter, Plain or Salted popcorn?
Butter and sugar!

104. Favorite flowers?
Birds of Paradise.

105. Have you ever fired a gun?
Yes.

106. Do you like to travel by plane as opposed to car?
Depends. If driving is cheaper and I can spare the time, I'll do that.

107. How many pillows do you sleep with?
2 now, it used to be 3. R.I.P. feather pillow. ;__;

108. Who are you missing right now?
Who else? x3

109. Who has the coolest car out of your clique?
Clique? Lol, I don't do cliques.

110. Do you think your ex misses you?
She might, considering she told me I was the only one that really cared about her. She's had her chances, though...

I won't say I'm doing this one because I'm bored, I just have a semi-small addiction to answering random journal survey/meme things during the early hours of the morning! xD

Taken from

----------------------------


1. I've come to realize that my hair:
Is epic, according to various people of various forum groups.

2. I've come to realize that when I talk:
I sound different to others than I do to myself~

3. I've come to realize that I don't want:
To be tempted by the wiles of wealth and fame and wish to live a modest life of comfort with the woman I hold dear.

4. I've come to realize that all I really need:
Is what I already have. <3

5. I've come to realize that I've lost:
Precious time and motivation by being lazy. Dx

6. I've come to realize that I hate it when:
I can't understand what makes me so different from others and I feel that I am better than they, despite my proclaiming that I feel I am better than no one.

7. I've come to realize that if I'm drunk:
I'll have failed to abide by my own morals, my pride will be shaken and I will have shamed myself.

8. I've come to realize that money:
Only matters when you don't have it.

9. I've come to realize that when I get old:
I still won't be able to predict the future! >__>

10. I've come to realize that I'll always be:
Someone who depends on love to get through life.

11. I've come to realize that I have a crush on:
No one, because crushes are for middle school. I'm madly in love, man!

12. I've come to realize that the last time I smiled was:
About 2 and a half hours ago when I wished good night to my love~ x3

13. I've come to realize that my cell phone:
Has yet to be bought! D:

14. I've come to realize that when I wake up in the morning:
All I wanna do is go back to sleep, and I always wonder in that moment of grogginess how it'll be when I wake up next to her and how I'll stare at her still sleeping face and smile happily and think just how lucky I am~

15. I've come to realize that before I go to sleep at night I:
Should probably stop eating as if my meals at 3-4am were akin to breakfast and lunch.

16. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking about:
Who else? x3

17. I've come to realize that my life:
Could get worse, and just may, but hopefully will get better and stay that way... with some effort on my part, of course.
But! It's been 2 months since official declaration of relationship status with and going strong~ :3!

18. I've come to realize that my favorite drink is:
Milk, followed by Mt. Dew~

19. I've come to realize that today I will have:
Lots of clicking to do!

20. I've come to realize that tonight I will:
Maybe finish watching K-On!

21. I've come to realize that tomorrow I will:
Not wake up at 6am and do one of these Memes.

22. I've come to realize that I really want to:
Succeed on the things that matter most to me and lead the life I've always dreamed of now that it seems plausible.

23. I've come to realize that the person who is most likely to re-post this is:
What did I say earlier about predicting the future? >__>

24. I've come to realize relationships are:
Required, I say, for everyone. Love is all that matters!

25. I've come to realize that love:
Is something that can't always be explained and is different for everyone. The feelings and sensations that we experience are so various that you can be surprised again and again by the many little things that come along with loving someone.

26. I've come to realize my best guy friend:
Is 100x lazier than I am.

27. I've come to realize my best girl friend:
Has yet to show herself? Iunno, I can't really think of a best female friend... Lover doesn't count, but if she does, then!... Well... She inspires me so much~ x3

28. I've come to realize food is:
Unhealthy to eat unless in moderation.
Damn temptation.

29: I've come to realize that this summer:
Was mostly boring.

30. I've come to realize heartbreak:
Makes you feel empty inside. Much like love, being heartbroken is an experience that is different for all... We all know the feeling, but the intricacies are much different. For me, my first and only heartbreak was probably equal to a feeling of literally having nothing inside of me. Feeling numb day in and day out, every minute, every hour, passed so painfully slow. It's not something I wish to experience ever again and- I won't finish that sentence because it's not something I like to think about.

31. I've come to realize that the person I like:
Is the best for snuggletime. x3

32.I've come to realize that my brother:
Is an idiot. All 5 of them!!

33. I've come to realize that crying:
Will happen when it happens. Can't say how, can't say when, but it's not something I try to hide, it's part of life.
And I'm fine with it as long as I'm not crying myself to sleep! >:U

34. I've come to realize that death:
Is something I'm not afraid of.

35. I've come to realize that if I'm sick:
I'll get to spend more time on the computer than I already do.
Wait, that's not possible. >__>

36. I've come to realize when I'm bored:
I do things like this, usually, but other than that I just sit around and stare at the wall or computer screen! 8D

37. After answering every question I realize that:
It's time to pass out again. :3

I was slapped in the face, but I'm happy it happened.

Next week will change my life forever, hopefully for the better.
I have someone that I love and that loves me and I must work to be with them~
Expect more work to be posted in the future as the inspiration to write and draw pours in~

I've been thinking a lot lately.
Thinking about things that are always on my mind.
Thinking about how different most people in the world are from me.
Thinking about how this world is so ugly and it's becoming less and less worth my time to try and find the beauty in things.
Thinking about why I'm still alive; wondering if there's some specific reason or if I'm just an unfortunate survivor.
Warning, I'm bound to go extremely off-topic with this rant.
Save your pity for someone more deserving. >__>

The past few days have been a mix of emotional experience, influenced by my need to always second-guess my actions, feelings and what I really plan to do with myself in life. I've begun to think that I need to stay away from online gaming and music for awhile, because I always, somehow, some way, get caught up in some kind of ordeal that puts stress on my heart. And you all know how much trouble that's brought for me before. Music has just decided to be mean and taunt me as of late. Playing certain songs either on the radio or my random playlist that seem to fit the situation, even if they cause my mood to worsen.

Two instances so far this weekend have really hit me hard. I learned of a song that's quite old that has me really scared and confused. "Imaginary Lover" by The Atlanta Rhythm Section started playing when I was thinking about what things may be like if I managed to get together with the girl I'm currently in love with. I was seriously saddened by this, I couldn't help myself and went to bed early to try and calm myself. Just a bit earlier today, I was wondering when she was going to get online and Def Leopard's "If You Needed Someone So Bad" came on the radio. Halfway through the song, there she is. If that is not coincidence, I don't know what is.

This brings me to one thing that we as humans always seems to be unsure of. The Grand Scheme, Fate and Destiny. I've never believed in the idea that we have one set path in life. That no matter what choices we make, we'll end up at the same place in the end. This is one reason why I've never let religion dictate my actions. I've never believed in a higher power nor have I lived my life as though it's influenced me. I make my decisions based on how I feel in my heart, what my heart feels is morally acceptable. A lot of times, that goes against logic. Well... sheep logic, anyway. I operate on an individual basis and make choices based on how they affect me and my immediate environment. I don't care for society or the world as a whole. To be brutally honest, I hate people and how mindless everyone is.

I refuse to accept that we are destined for this or that and I laugh at the idea being afraid of death. Everyone dies. We die because of the decisions we've made in life. You decided to step right instead of left first at the crosswalk and were struck by a drunk driver and instantly killed instead of just hospitalized. You took a plane stopping over in Florida instead of flying straight to New York and avoided a fatal crash due to a storm. Decisions are exactly that, decisions. We can't foresee the future but we can't say that everything is destined to end up a certain way "just because" or because "God willed it to be so." That is bullshit. People will always argue the fact, though. I could take my friend's pistol, walk outside and shoot myself in the head and people would argue "He was destined to die by his own hand." It'll never end, but that's how I feel. We make our own paths in life. Multiple endings are available, it just depends on which ending we wish to see the most.



Now to the meat of this entry. Building off of my last entry, I'm sure to go quite off-topic with this section, so forgive me in advance.
Love and loyalty. Two things I hold so very, very dear to my heart.
If I live for anything, it's Love.
Some people say they don't believe in love, that love is fake and things like that.
I couldn't being to disagree with that, for so many reasons.

It kind of makes me laugh, because you hear a lot about the type of people who say they're in love with someone, yet a week later you find they're with someone else.
But on the other end of the spectrum, there are people like me that are extremely reserved, no matter how devoted to love we are.
I've only ever been in love 3 times. Once was fleeting(my ex), one is constant(Kat) and the other is an uncertainty.
I am loyal to my love. Akin to when I play games, I focus on one at a time. I put all of my effort into one person and don't dare look at others, much less consider them.

One conversation I had with a friend suggested that love does not last. That we're meant to move on. I do NOT approve of that. I fall in love with someone for a reason. I want to be with them forever. I want to spend the rest of my life in their presence, how is it love otherwise? Much like how I declare myself with Kat. My dream/fantasy is living the rest of my life with her. No matter how slow or how boring things might get. No matter how many times we may argue. We'll always fall for each other again. That, to me, is the defining feature of love. No matter how bumpy the ride my get, things will always smooth over if you put your heart into it.
I fail to understand how people can be swayed so easily by people when they say they're in love.

I enjoy listening to people try and explain what love is, because even if we have a general sense of the feeling, it's different for all of us. And as far as I've noticed, it's never the same. All of these times I've been in love, it's been different.
And love, for me, is the one thing in my life that I've always taken seriously. It's the only thing in my life that I've ever put all of my effort into. It's the only thing that's kept me... well, alive up 'til now.
But even so... I'm skeptical.
The only thing I really desire in life is love, however, certain... conditions have caused me to become rather... how should I say, screwed?
I've been called Altruistic. That is, I help others without any concern for myself. I've been compared to Shirou of Fate/Stay-Night and the resemblance is rather scary. Because that's exactly how I am. I'll jump at the chance to help someone else but when it comes to my own well-being, I fall seriously short. It doesn't take much to get me out of bed, but it takes a lot to get me out of my room. Personal hygiene aside, I haven't been to a hospital or dentist for more than 8 years and I know for a fact that there are things wrong with my body that are going to slowly kill me.
Yet... I don't care.
I don't care one bit about my own well-being. I'm not afraid of death.
But isn't that just an excuse?
Have I given up on life?
If so, why do I still desire love?
Why do I desire it if I'm not going to be around to enjoy it long enough?
Some people might think that I'm overreacting when I judge my condition, but honestly... I don't care, and as long as I don't care, I'll continue to neglect myself.
But shouldn't being in love help to fix that?
Shouldn't I desire to do all in my power to  improve my conditions so I can best take care of the one I love as well as myself?

Yeah, she's taken... and yeah, I don't desire her to break up with the guy she's with because of me. I'd expect the same if I was with her and someone else confessed to her. I do still believe in chivalry. I've been called a knight many times before, by older and younger women alike. I am no knight, even if I believe in the ideals, I think a knight would do more to keep himself in fine, working condition. >___>
What good am I as a protector if I can not protect myself?

In that thought, I often feel that I am unworthy of being loved.
I am not worth anyone's time, especially if I feel like I won't be alive for much longer.
People shouldn't waste their efforts on me.

My father always lectures to me about how I wait for things to be put in my lap.
I won't find a job if I don't go out and look for one.
I won't get my art or writing published if I don't try to get them out there.
And I know it's true.
I want to work for my own gains, I don't expect anything to be given to me.
Yet here I am, still sitting here, doing the same thing I always do.
Nothing.
What am I waiting for?
What is wrong with me?

Well, I thought I'd type up a journal to let everyone know how I'm doing and to address various issues.
So, here we go~

So I've been addicted to Muse lately. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's the mind-numbingly mellow tones that their music seems to have on me while I spend my time playing MMOs, but I seem to be able to listen to them on repeat for the entire day without caring at all. I've liked 'Knights of Cydonia' in particular since I first heard it, admittedly, on Guitar Hero 3. Now, I'm listening to it more and more because when I do, I find myself envisioning life in the MMO I currently play(Mabinogi) according to it. I tend to do this often to songs I listen to over and over but 'Knights of Cydonia' just has a really epic theme to it that makes me want to get into video editing.


Now, on to the important part!
The journal entry to accompany the poem I recently submitted~
Those of you who've known me for long enough to become close friends know that I am an easy person to get along with. You also know that I am really easy to get close to. This being said, I've only really ever loved 2 people throughout my entire life and one of these people happens to be an imaginary girl that only exists 'on paper.' She's always acted as a barrier for me; a sort of security blanket, if you will. She's kept me from getting too close to people and only let up when I fell in love with my ex 3 years ago. Now, the time has come again that I've fallen in love, which gives me hope that there is someone in this world that may be right for me! But the catch! The catch is she's taken!
Aha!
I've yet to really figure out WHY I've fallen for her, but I do so enjoy being around her and the fact that she really doesn't live too far away probably helps a ton. That, among other things, like being able to identify with how my life is at home, being a fellow Libra, enjoying the same music and games... Well, I suppose you really don't need to know a whole lot about someone to fall in love with them, but I'd still like to feel as though I have a solid reason why. I could say she makes me happy, but a lot of people do that... Regardless, what I'm worried about most is what is going to happen. She's taken. That means I can't really... do anything. I can be friendly to an extent and that's about it. I feel like I can wait, even though it hurts a bit(and I find ways to deal~), but saying "I can wait" makes me feel like I'm saying "I'm waiting until they break up so i have my chance." It's like... having patience is making me seem like an asshole. On one hand, I want to tell her things like how I feel here and there, how I've had dreams about her and the like, but on the other hand, I don't want to influence her current relationship and make myself seem like I'm pushing too hard.
Such is life, I guess!


Other things:
I haven't done hardly any writing or drawings as of late... obviously.
Still looking for a job, but because I'm such a lazy bastard, I've yet to find one.
Working mornings at Blockbuster doesn't sound too great but it's the most convenient one so far, so I must hope that I hear back on that soon!
I might get back into security as well, seeing as my best friend(who's currently passed out upon the couch across from me) is tired of his current job site and wants to scope out some others. Seeing as we worked so damn well together before, I think it may be a worthwhile venture.
We shall see!

Ahaha, maybe not exactly by my hand, but I thoroughly enjoy playing Rock Band 2 with my characters.

[link]
[link]

Not exactly by a big-name on DA but hey... it's better than nothing, right?
There's a meme going around where you list 14 people and your 3 favorite deviations by them(and what you like).

The catch is you must list the person you got this from first(making a total of 15 people), so in my case, it's .
If you continue this meme from here, the first person on your list would be me.
The first 14 to post here will get featured in this journal entry and must then continue on and make their own.

Let's git'er'done!


1.[link]
Let's begin with her ID. It makes me laugh every time. It shows just how knowledgeable she is with expressionism xD
2.[link]
Face it, everyone loves House.
3. [link]
Even though it's about Hay Fever, i think it's a really cute image. Would actually prefer if she continued on with that art style xD


Post nao!

Well, 5 deviations so far this month.
All of them digital because I haven't tried to fix my scanner since 3+ months ago.

I hope to be getting back into the groove of drawing and writing again, as well as finishing up the RL projects that i've started.
I have so much unfinished work, that it's not funny.

That, and I need to get a job >.>
Though I think I am developing narcolepsy, been taking random naps throughout the day because I can't sleep at night and end up staying awake to work on things

Eh, figured I'd make a post wishing those of you that like to celebrate a Happy New Year.

I don't really celebrate the day(minute? seconds?), but I do hold that hope that the coming year is better than the last, and that I can work to make it be so

I am hoping to get a lot of things done this year.
Mainly, finalizing my first book and getting it published, or at the very least looked at.
Also hoping to find a job that I can learn to enjoy rather than dealing with it for 2 months and going insane due to anxiety.

Oh... and finish work on my house, lol.
Haven't touched it in over a week!


Cheers.

And I didn't think it'd be as difficult as it is!

I mean, I've been helping my best friend and his father renovate their home because it's decades old and needs lots of touch ups, but holy crap!
This project I am doing for myself is quite exhausting!
I've just barely finished the basic framing today, but it's already looking great. I'm hoping to put up the rest of it by tonight so I can finish the walls and window panels.

Trying to get some drawing and more literature in on the side, so stay tuned!

Seems that as time goes on, I find myself writing more and more instead of drawing.

i absolutely love drawing, it is the one grace that I have unshackled from the laws of society.
But lately I've been rather... unmotivated.
It's not that I can't think of things to draw, in fact I have many ideas that I'd love to work on, I just can't find myself to get down to doing it...

Writing, though, comes so naturally and easily that it's out in a matter of minutes, maybe seconds. And when I can an idea for something to write I usually can't stop thinking about it until I write it out >.<

Bored, in between reading forums and playing DF.
Decided to check out 's journal and found this.

Rules
Go to Google and search the phrase. Type in the first answer. Please be mature and use your REAL 1st name...

Use the first thing that comes up that makes sense.

Q: Type in "[your name] needs" in the Google search:
A: Jake Needs Money For a Hooker.
Great -_- If my brother heard that he'd probably agree.

Q: Type in "[your name] looks like" in Google search:
A: Jake looks like the annoying drunk guy that has to cram himself in every picture at either a wedding or a party.
Maybe, if I ever went to weddings/parties.

Q: Type in "[your name] says" in Google search:
A: Jake Says Greetings.
Oh how very informative.

Q: Type in "[your name] wants" in Google search:
A: Jake wants to know any Asians who like pickles.
Hmm... never thought about that. So yeah, I guess I do.

Q: Type in "[your name] does" in Google search:
A: Jake does a backflip off the swing.
Haven't done that in a LONG time.

Q: Type in "[your name] hates" in Google search:
A: Jake Hates Dog Poo. The biggest problem in Jake's life is dog poo. He believes it affects children badly.
LAWL

Q: Type in "[your name] asks" in Google search:
A: ake asks Nina about the ring.
Mmmmkay.

Q: Type in "[your name] goes" in Google search:
A: Jake Goes To Japan.
Again? YAY!

Q: Type in "[your name] likes" in Google search:
A: Jake likes new weapons.
Oh yes I do!

Q: Type in "[your name] eats" in Google search:
A: JAKE EATS THE LARGEST RAT HE HAS EVER EATEN!!!
NEVER!!! D:

Q: Type in "[your name] wears" in Google search:
A: Jake wears alot of rings and bracelets and watches and stuff.
Eh, necklaces maybe, lol.

Q: Type in "[your name] was arrested for" in Google Search:
A: Jake was arrested for causing Shane's death.
Oh shit, my brother's name is Shane.

D:
D:
D:
D:

Well, this is more a question from me to you, than a poll on what you prefer.

I am broke, lol.
I don't have a job, and I'm hesitant to get one though I know I am going to have to really soon.
However, I think I've advanced my drawing skills far enough so that I can put myself out there for commissions.

My question is, do any of you feel the same?
If you've favored any of my drawings or writings, would those pieces be something worth money, to you?
Do you think I'm good enough to do it?

Or so it seems.
Maybe I am just more calm and collected than I realize.

Earlier, my brother and I went to see The Forbidden Kingdom, and traveled to the theater by car. He doesn't have a license, or insurance, and it's not even his car, haha.
But reluctantly, I got in and we left.

Now, my brother is a little... crazy about muscle cars. The one that he was driving wasn't a muscle car, but y'know, he's one to play around. So he hits the throttle and speeds up.
Suddenly I hear an "oh shit, it's stuck!" as he frantically tries to slow down with no success.
Eventually he reached down and pulled it back out and slowed us back down before we hit anyone.

He was freakin' out, explained to me that he was shaking from it, saying that was scary.
I sat there, didn't move an inch, really.
Not exactly sure, in any other situation, I guess I might have been scared, but for some reason, maybe I don't care?

Shit happens for a reason, right?

As far as drawings go, heh.
I haven't been drawing much lately but I have been screwing around with Flash.
I've been getting a lot of ideas for little animations that I'd like to work out so chances are that you will be seeing animations instead of drawings

Edit:
Lawl, seems my scanner is broken now anyway. So even if I wanted to submit a drawing, it'll take longer.
Glad my new laptop has a built in 2.0 megapixel camera!
roofles.

Hello friends.
Sorry, I haven't really kept in contact as of late.
I've been working hard to keep my spirits up, and continue forward in a brighter direction.
Things haven't gotten much better, but they haven't really gotten worse, either.
So it seems that things are alright, for the time being.

I have one thing to ask, before I update you on what's happening around here.

Why do we, as humans, put so much pain upon ourselves?
Why do we seek sadness and depression?
I saw 'we', because I know I am not the only one that willingly places himself in a sad/depressing situation.
I hate being sad; I hate being depressed.
Yet...
I constantly find ways to willingly make myself so.
Why?
What is so appealing about it?

I ask this, as I finish watching Spice and Wolf.
I read a little bit of the light novel, and found it to be enjoyable, so I decided to check out the anime that was just released.
After the first three episodes, I fell in love with it!
Why?
Because it reminds me of how much I do not belong here.
Of how badly I want to be somewhere I fit in most.
In this case, as stated by many people, medieval times.
The simplicity(compared to today) the companionship, the overall lack of corruption in everything(OK, that may be an exaggeration, but it was as bad then as it is now. The only thing you really had to worry about was the Church), makes me yearn so much to be a part of the past.
And if anything... the main character, Lawrence... reminds me of myself.

With 4 episodes remaining, I was hesitant to finish the series because I was afraid that there would be a bad ending. And yet, I did watch them.
And now I ask myself why.
Why do I put myself in this situation that causes me so much distress in the first place?
Why do I do it willingly, when I know what consequences I am faced with?

Sometimes I wonder what it'd be like if I had one of those friend's who would step up and slap the shit out of me and tell me that I'm dreaming.
But I know I do. And I know they fail, because I am too stubborn.
Has my fantasy taken complete control of me, I wonder.....










Ahem... moving on...

I am planning to move soon.
If all goes AS PLANNED, I will be moving from California, to Michigan, to live with a good friend of mine.
I desperately need to get out of the iron(yet silent) fisted rule of my mother, and this renovated part of the garage-made-room with no windows and stagnant air.
That, and if I can manage to scrounge up the expenses for it, it will put me 2 hours closer to a very good friend of mine.
The reason I want to choose this, is because she has been the only person to truly be able to lift my spirits these last few years.
I don't want to give up my fight.
And if I have any hope of continuing, it's with her.

Otherwise, I am doomed to fail, because even though I can resist all the anger, and hatred, corruption... I am no immortal, and I fear that my mind can become susceptible to all that I strive to protect people against...



If this does not work out, than harder times are in for me, as my best friend plans on having me move in with him and his father, so I can help them fix up their house before his father retires and moves away, leaving the place to us.s

I am suuuuuuuch a hopeless person right now you can't even imagine!






On a side note... I totally want to try honey-pickled pears now.